I am beginning to hate obligations, if you really
look at this journal you will never ever keep up with
it. Looking at it in the future your would have to
keep this up till the rest of your life, which I am
not about to do. Sole purpose of keeping a journal is
to later rediscover what you have done with your life,
and make sure every minute of it wasn’t wasted. You
begin to notice how much you have grown and it begins
to look like a road map. Causes you to wonder is it
fate? If your road had diverged would it have ended
the same. Uncertainties plague our life every day;
this or that, what is for the best? No one can know
exclusively where they are going. You can either know
the process needed, but not to the full extent or a
goal. With most goals they fail to happen, but you
can’t expect failure ever. That is why pleasure is
derived from the pursuit of a goal rather than the
accomplishment, it makes it sweeter. Many times you
will never know your objective you just live day to
day. Everyone is searching for another, the one who
lifts them higher than any mountain. No one can
really understand what they want but they can have
desires for themselves. As a kid you learn and grow,
and the market realizes that parents want their kin to
be as intelligent as they can. So they gather in all
these books how to raise children and what direction
to take. How can you do that to children it stifles
their creativity? Many times the child doesn’t realize
it as a child but they begin to strengthen their grasp
as a teenager and it grows. Decisions changes and
necessities change. But one necessity that can never
change is Love. Little boys and little girls are
inflated with a more shallow view; they get a glimpse
of what others want and make it there own. Doesn’t
that mean everyone wants the same thing,
companionship? So why do people betray others, expose
sanctity? I can’t fully understand these divine
mechanics that one most follow. Everyone needs to seem
remotely unavailable to become just that. Trying too
hard, is shunned but isn’t that just what our society
encourages devotion to a task? No one can fully
understand where they are going. SO many insides and
outs render thought impossible. What if we were lied
to about creation or if it never excised. We take to
many things on faith alone, why would anyone just sit
there and be told you must believe this under a
regime. You must believe that the body needs to
survive on nutrients and water, although true it
limits and shackles the observer very easily.
Nutrients exist and are copious in so many different
forms. If more options were left open wouldn’t the
observer pick what suits them best? No, recent studies
have shown with all the options left open in career
choices they feel overwhelmed. So what is the medium
that us as mere people, Ney individuals want. Would
our society be better off if we charmed each other and
aspired to meet with everyone we see? We all strive
for excellence but the pursuit of it is so difficult
and we lose ourselves. There are less individuals and
more statistics placed to our names. An overseer,
despite what you may think about freedom it can never
be controls us into a society. I find it more
appropriate to quote this; Government is a necessary
evil, as many things are. Confidence is where it all
resides, you can accomplish globally with it, and its
resilience is unparalleled. Would one ever dream of
going to a dance by themselves and going gun ho and
trying to meet new friends? It is hard for us to find
new things, to many times have I found myself
unwilling to meet new people and try and accomplish
more, because of fright. I think it controls us too
much our fears in ourselves and others. We leave too
much destruction in our path; we climb to the top on
the putrid backs of others and negate their feelings.
If that is true success I wish it adieu I wish for no
resemblance to it. It’s face unfamiliar, and distant,
for everyone and every need I have come to know. The
impersonality of it all rises to heights unfathomed. I
wish for more cares, more love, in society.
Responsibility in our actions, fervent truth, and
unconditional trust in one another. But, as long as I
stand against this onslaught I slip back with motion.
The floors beneath me do not shake but allow me to
slide. As one that stands for these truth I begin to
lose my zeal for this, I know I am not omnipotence.
One voice is a sea of shrills of words that seem to
resemble all for one, and the line not finished. I can
no longer look to the west for my savior, I will turn
to what I know and what I know is faith. Faith in
other’s, I will not glide past it. My word echoed
farther than any straight line could extend. If I
falter, I must make it up hastily. I wish I could have
the same faith in others. But I do not turn anew, I
stand looking forward, I ponder the future but reside
in the present. This disposition is difficult to
comprehend but nonetheless I require it. I still need
the ones I have grown with, but allow ample space for
new residents. I shun none upon appearance, but do not
embrace the unkind. I take but do not receive in equal
value, nor do I request it. But just to have the
knowledge I could request at a moment’s notice and it
avail to being, makes me smile. True friendship is
trust; true love is catching stares at one another
when not noticing. When you extend your hand for help,
it is quickly rushed to and a signal is sent to help
this man up. I can only count on this kind of trust
with a few people. Out of the population of billions a
few people extend a hand. To these I cherish the most,
I put you on my precious stone. The ground is sturdy,
but cracks are forever there. If I must call on you
will you be there, will I but holler and my needs met?
It is under my will and power I place you under my
endangered list. Protected and sheltered from the rest
of the horrors. I entrust them with my life, a dagger
dangling above my life. To the end, to the judgment
that the line is cut and death ensues... before the
dagger falls, I will but know I love you. Dated 2001
I found this in my old files, but it does leave much to thought how precious some things used to be to us and how pithy they are currently; nonetheless, some of the same values still exist today.
